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give-hard-feedback-kindly

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Give someone difficult feedback — a report, a peer, a friend — so it actually lands and helps, without crushing them or dodging the point. Use when asked how do I give hard feedback, tell someone something difficult, address a problem with someone, or have a tough conversation about their [work/behavior]. Produces a read on what you actually need to say (the specific behavior and its impact, not a vague vibe), a structure that's direct and kind at once, the exact opening and words, how to invite their side and land on a path forward, and the traps (sandwiching it away, going vague, making it about character).

skills/give-hard-feedback-kindly/SKILL.md

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Nov 10, 2026
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# Give Hard Feedback Kindly

Most people botch hard feedback two ways: they soften it until the point disappears (kind but useless), or they deliver it bluntly and defensively (clear but wounding). The skill is doing both at once — direct *and* caring. This helps you pin down the specific thing to say, structure it so it lands and helps, and handle their reaction — so the person leaves clear on what to change and still intact.

## What This Skill Produces

- **The actual message** — the specific behavior and its concrete impact (not a vague "you need to improve" or a mood)
- **A direct-and-kind structure** — care for the person + clarity on the problem, without the compliment-sandwich that buries it
- **The opening and words** — how to start (signal it's constructive, get to the point) and the specific phrasing
- **Space for their side** — how to invite their perspective genuinely, not as a formality
- **A path forward** — what good looks like and the concrete next step, so it's help, not just criticism
- **The traps** — sandwiching the point into oblivion, going vague to avoid discomfort, and attacking character instead of behavior

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